Recently I received a call from a nurse who works with one of our clients. She said hello and then proceeded to tell me that I needed to make our caregivers shower the client. She said that it had been several weeks since the client had taken a shower. I quickly responded by saying that our caregivers do not force our clients to do anything they are not comfortable with, as forcing someone produces a sense of unworthiness and fear. I felt angry.This particular client has cancer and just recently went from having 10 hours of support a week to 24/7 support. Before his diagnosis he was a happy, independent man. He was in charge of his own life, now he is having to adjust to having caregivers in his home all the time. He has expressed to me a feeling of no longer having privacy. His home is being invaded. He feels that his life and freedom are slowly being taken away from him. I couldn’t believe that this woman was trying to force something on our already vulnerable client. I took a deep breath and told her that I would talk to the caregivers to see if they could do a bit of investigating and be a little more curious with our client, to try to find out why he wasn’t wanting to take a shower. I knew that this nurse cared immensely for our client. I never questioned it, but seeing so many patients on a day to day basis, I felt like maybe she was not seeing our client as an individual. I felt like he was being seen as a job. A task that had to get done and get done “ the right way”. Sometimes we feel if something is not done to our standards, that we are not doing our job. Our job is not to make everything and everyone perfect, it is to be present, supportive, mindful and understanding.
Do you remember when someone forced you to do something that you didn’t want to do? Do you remember ever feeling like your feelings and thoughts weren’t being considered? I can remember a few times when it happened to me. It felt like I didn’t have a voice or an opinion. Caring for someone is not only about helping with activities of daily living and companionship, but also advocating for our clients to continue to have a voice and be able to make informed decisions. Caregiving is about helping others so that they are able to continue living a full and dignified life. As a caregiver we support the self respect of our client, recognizing their capacities and ambitions. We do not make assumptions on how we think they are feeling. We ask questions. We are curious and kind. We respect who they are and how they choose to live their lives. We try to see the world through their eyes, we listen with all senses, and we ensure that our clients understand their options available and the potential consequences of their choices. By doing this we are allowing our clients to have the autonomy to make choices and have control over their own lives.
When people feel seen and heard they have a better quality of life. We all want to be given the autonomy to make our own decisions and feel valued and respected whether we are a caregiver or have a caregiver. We are all the same. We are all human.
